A huge thank you to all that have favorited, or alerted this story, as well as my other stories! I frequently forget to mention how much I appreciate the love I get from my readers, and I’m sorry for being an asshat sometimes! I try very hard to always respond to reviews, but I generally do not thank you all enough for putting me on your lists.
As always, thanks to MissyDee and Balti K – love you ladies!
Disclaimer – I don’t own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball do (even if we wish he didn’t sometimes).
I opted to do my thinking in the cemetery, as I didn’t trust Compton not to disrespect Sookie’s wishes and return to beg her forgiveness. Plus, if I were to be honest, I was simply not ready to be too far away from her yet. This overwhelming need I felt for her was just one more new feeling among many that I needed to ponder, so I levitated into the large tree nearest the grave of Sookie’s beloved Gran.
It was an easy enough marker to find, given that Sookie had left the perfect trail. I found that I was sorrowful I was never given the chance to know this woman, Adele Stackhouse. I wondered if she was as feisty as her beautiful granddaughter. Sookie must have picked up the trait somewhere, though I seriously doubted it was possible for anyone to be as stubborn as my Sookie.
That phrase held a whole new meaning for me lately. Sure, I had wanted her to be mine from the moment she ventured into Fangtasia, but now I wanted her for reasons other than the pure joy of taking her from Compton. Of course… sex had always been at the top of the list as well, but who could look at the goddess that was Sookie and not want her? There was so much more to my yearning now, however, than just these simple pleasures.
I had realized that my feelings for Ms. Stackhouse began to shift during that fateful trip to Dallas. I was initially amazed that she would be willing to enter the viper’s nest, so to speak, without any real protection other than that idiot Hugo. While we had had an agreement in exchange for her friend Lafayette’s freedom, her being willing to risk her safety for a vampire she had never met was above and beyond what I should have asked of her.
Truth be told, had it been anyone other than Godric at risk, I would never have allowed her to be put in harm’s way in such a fashion.
Next, there was her willingness to trust me as we were trying to make our escape from that dreadful church; she had had no reason on earth to carry any faith in me, but yet… she did. The biggest surprise in that small hallway was the desire and longing that I had sensed rolling off her in waves as I had leaned in to ask for her trust.
Even with no blood of mine in her system I was able to garner some of her emotions, which in itself was nothing short of miraculous.
I was then floored not only at her willingness to save me from that alter once she was out of immediate danger, but in my willingness to heed her request to not kill Newlin. Never before would I have entertained such a request, yet for her there was no option but to heed her wishes.
Back at Godric’s nest I was flabbergasted again at her ability to not only cut through my bullshit, but to call me on it publicly. No one else would have dared risk my wrath, yet this tiny blonde telepath thought nothing of it whatsoever. After the bomb went off I was astounded that she would willingly suck the bullets from my body in an attempt to save my life.
As underhanded as that might have been, I have never, nor will I ever, regret it.
That tiny amount of my blood she had ingested solidified my need for her, and also proved to me that she was truly different than any other human I had ever encountered during my long existence.
Her emotions were so pure, so honest… she was simply perfection personified, inside and out.
I began to wonder if I was indeed capable of love when she had joined us on the rooftop and had agreed to stay with my maker until he was gone. If hearing her stick up to that infested cunt, Flannigan, had made my dick hard… well, having her agree to stay with my maker while he met his final death made my undead heart swell far larger than my sizable cock ever could.
I knew that night as I had descended the stairs leading back into the hotel that my relationship with Sookie Stackhouse was forever altered from that moment forward.
In the months since then, I had become more and more convinced that I might indeed be capable of love. I had been unable to deny her anything, really, since the moment I had met her.
Now granted, I was horrendous to her in Russell’s study, but there was no other choice. She had to believe that she was meaningless to me if I were to save her, even if it had broken my heart to utter those words to her. I had told her the truth of my search for the werewolves, a secret I had never even shared with my progeny and that in itself was of great significance, as I shared almost everything with Pam.
I found myself wanting to protect Sookie, shelter her, care for her, and… love her.
After one thousand years on this earth I was in love. I was in love with a human/fairy/telepath hybrid with an attitude the size of Texas and balls to match.
I had honestly never dreamed I would fall in love. Of course I had loved my parents and my sister, but I had never known romantic love. I simply had no use for those feelings as a human… other than the actual, physical, time I had spent dick deep inside a woman.
I certainly never imagined I would have any use for such an emotion as a vampire. I had loved Godric, but certainly not in a romanticized fashion. And, while Pam and I had been lovers at many points over the years, I had never had any feelings of ardor for her other than those of maker to progeny.
Well, now, I was absolutely certain that I was in love with Sookie.
I could not pinpoint the exact moment I had fallen in love with her precisely, but I could tell you that it was this night on her porch that had truly opened my eyes to what I had been feeling for quite some time.
Watching her heart being ripped out by Compton had been a turning point for me. While I had told her before that her crying made me feel disturbingly human, tonight it caused me actual pain. Never had I been possessed by urges to comfort and protect her like I was tonight, which was astounding since I was frequently bombarded with the need to care for her.
Tonight was something different however.
It truly felt as if I would die if she had continued to experience so much agony. Even as I sat in this tree, I could hear her crying from inside her home. Each sob and sniffle was progressively tearing at my being, the sting increasing with every passing moment.
I was shocked to realize that I had shredding the limb I was perched upon into splinters in my attempt to restrain myself from rushing to her. As much as I wanted to pull her into my arms, comfort her, and never let her go… I also realized that she was in need of space to work her emotions out on her own.
Truth be told again, I also needed space to work through my own issues.
Not only had I just realized that I was in love for the first time in my existence, I now had to deal with another completely foreign emotion…
I was never fucking afraid! Yet, I was truly terrified of loving that woman.
What if she rejected me? Would I be able to live with myself after such humiliation and heartbreak?
I was absolutely certain that if she were to rebuff me that I would be broken for the first time since the death of my family, and I was quite unprepared for how to cope with that.
What if she didn’t reject me? How would I deal with trying to fit her into my undead existence? While I have never outright lied to Sookie, would I be able to tell her the truth in all matters?
Did I truly desire for anyone to be that close to me, ever?!
I should, and truly did, feel like a pussy for worrying about letting someone get close to me… but come on!
In over a millennium, I had only allowed two people to know the real me, and even they had never seen the whole package. I had never let anyone know every part of me, not even as a human. Yet, I could say beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would hold nothing back from my Sookie.
And that fact terrified me beyond description.
I had come to realize over the last few weeks, culminating in tonight, that I was made to love Sookie Stackhouse. Every moment, every single moment, of the last thousand plus years had been preparing me for that little girl.
Every ounce of love I had never shared with another person had all been saved to give to her. Every side of myself that had I kept private, every secret I had coveted, was so that I could eventually share them with her and her alone.
She would be my safe haven. She would be my home for the rest of eternity.
I had been in love with Sookie Stackhouse for a thousand years, without ever knowing her.
What a mind fuck this is!
Yet, I found that it was a most welcome mind fuck. Provided, of course, that I could convince Sookie to see me as anything other than a “cold, dead piece of shit”, which at the moment seemed highly unlikely. Unfortunately.
Though… I was not known for backing away from a challenge, so hopefully I could manage to turn this situation around with a little time and finesse.
As I was pondering the myriad of changes in my undead life recently, I was also scanning the area to make sure there were no signs of Compton and that Sookie was okay. I could still hear her crying as I began to plot how to make her forgive and accept me. I was brought from my musings by the sound of a car arriving at Compton’s place.
Sophie Anne? What the fuck is she doing at Compton’s? This could certainly spell disaster for my sweet Sookie… I needed to go warn her and secure her safety, whether she wanted to deal with me presently or not. She was in terrible danger if the Queen was this close to her.
I was about to abandon my perch when I noticed the AVL soldiers coming out of everywhere around Compton’s property. FUCK! Sookie was in incredible danger if Flannigan and the AVL were afoot. It could only mean that Compton was about to usurp Sophie Anne.
And if that was the case, then simply put… we were fucked!
Before I could put a nanosecond’s worth of thought into how to proceed, I heard Sookie’s door slam and her footsteps steadily approaching this very spot.
Oh by the Gods! Will the bullshit never end this evening?
Sookie came to kneel at her Gran’s grave, still crying those dreadful tears that tore at my soul. She sat there silently staring at the headstone for several moments before she began to speak.
“Gran, I am so… lost. I followed my heart but it led me down a dead end road.”
More tears began to fall, much to my dismay, and her voice took on a broken quality as she continued, “I miss you so much.” Her voice was trembling with grief.
My heart broke for this wonderful woman as she uttered her next words, her tears streaming almost constantly down her cheeks, “I’ve never felt so alone. And… I’ve spent my whole life feeling alone.”
If I had anything to say about it, she would never be alone again.
I was about to get down and plead my case, fully accepting that I would grovel if I had to, when I sensed the shimmering that only happened when fairies popped into this plane.
“Sookie, you’re not alone.” A beautiful brunette fairy in a flowing white gown said as she held out a hand for Sookie. “Come with us.”
Oh, the fuck she will!
Now, we will see some personality changes in Eric from here on out; love does that to people (and vamps).
Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!